Happy anniversary, apple n berry :)

What breaks up a couple?

Fight!

As I'm scrolling down reading old posts..

Back in April.. We had this very bad fight which made me felt so miserable, guilty, helpless, trapped, hostile, bullied, mental tortured.. N eventually lead to physical self torture.. 

Funny thing I can't recall what was the fight about anymore n yet all these scary vibes, they lingers..

But why?

N then I realise it's never about the thing we fight about, it's always the things we have done to each other during the fight that cause the damage..

None of us is willing to put it a stop n let things go.. 

I was too dumb to act dumb or to have an eye close on most of the expectation I had..

N he was too ego to admit the imperfection n also setting the right expectation.. 

OR

He wasn't acting straight to point out what he doesn't like about me n instead start provoking me to start that fight he wants..

The worst thing is, 

I could easily misunderstand him for whatever he said....

(That is totally different thing we need to work on)

First 2 years of relationship with him was enjoyable but hard.. 

Cuz as far as I can remember those fight was quite frequent..

Note: u know how ppl say they must listen to both side of story? I've tried my best to put on his shoes to write this post n I'm no friggin' split identity psycho to perfect it by considering his thoughts n what I also have done wrong..

The truth is,

I need to know his side of the story! He was always afraid to confront my mistake.. I'm not sure why.. 

Maybe he doesn't like confrontation so he don't do it to me?

Maybe I'm really such an ignorant bitch that will give him a bite back as return?

Maybe he don't know how to do it?

Maybe he doesn't know what are the best word to put it so that it doesn't work like a full moon turning me into a killing werewolf?

Maybe he didn't wanna ruin the good time? (This doesn't justify it because fight is always worst)

Despites all these crazywazy fight we had, what held us together was mutual..

None of us had the thoughts of backing out.. We are still so sure that we can't afford to lose each other.. 

So.. 

26th nov 2013 marks our 3rd year together..

We didn't celebrate our 1st n 2nd year anniversary because it's just a date we picked.. He didn't officially ask "can you be my gf" hahahah.. But bustard has the balls to just hold my hand n kiss me at the right moment.. 

Anyway, I notice how much lesser we fight now..

So it's a good thing n I hope it will only get better :)

There are so much challenges ahead of us.. I can foresee it.. N I will enjoy it, even if it's bittersweet :)

I love you, Joe Chan!

P/s: forgive me to start the post talking about fight, I didn't plan to write about anniversary.. I just start writing n tadaaa..